You are allowed to ignore his text messages and decline his phone calls because you don’t want to be just friends with him.
You are allowed to badmouth him to your parents and your closest friends when they ask for details about the breakup.
You are allowed to hate him for everything he did to you. For leading you on for months. For making you believe he had strong feelings for you. For making promises he never had any intention of following through on.
You are allowed to delete his number from your phone and block him from every social media account you own.
You are allowed to roll down your windows and scream lyrics about how much you hate him at the top of your lungs.
You are allowed to get wasted and complain to strangers at the bar about how you never should have given him your heart in the first place.
You are allowed to turn the other way when you see him in person, because you don’t want to make eye contact with him, let alone get stuck talking to him. You don’t want him to walk over to you. You don’t want to hear whatever bullshit he has to say.
You are allowed to tell your friends that you don’t want to talk about him anymore, that you don’t want to hear his name ever again.
You are allowed to burn his photographs and toss all of the jewelry that he gave you in the trash.
You are allowed to hope that someone breaks his heart in the same way that he broke yours.
You are allowed to daydream about what you wish you could do to him. About how you would curse him out if you ever saw him again. About how you would make him pay for all the pain that he caused you.
You are allowed to be angry about your broken heart. You are allowed to let those horrible emotions wash over you — as long as it’s only temporary. As long as you find the strength to overcome them one day.
You have to let yourself feel that anger, release that anger, and become free from that anger.
Because it’s dangerous to bottle your emotions up inside, but it’s even more dangerous to keep letting those same emotions out for months without ever growing from them, learning from them.
You can’t hold hatred in your heart forever. You have to let go of it eventually. Not for him — not because you forgive him or because you understand why he did what he did. Not because you want to become friends with him again or because you think he deserves a clear conscience.
You have to do it for yourself. Because it’s the only way you’ll move on. It’s the only way you’ll find peace within yourself.
For now, you are allowed to be angry. Just don’t hold onto that anger forever.
Holly Riordan is the author of
Severe(d), A Creepy Poetry Collection.
Pre-order your copy here.
Article originally posted by Thought Catalog.